Pregnant Days

The last few days, but especially yesterday, have been pregnant days. Even though at times I don't think my belly is protruding the way it ought to, I've felt awkward and heavy - even off balance at times. Moving from sitting to standing is becoming more of a chore, especially when I'm sitting somewhere low, or in the bathtub. My upper back has also been killing me. Last night Col. Babcock (Darrell's commander at the unit and former full-time boss) invited us over for dinner. It was a nice night, but by the end of the evening I was so miserable. Just under my shoulder blades was a knifing pain, no matter what position I was in, and I was finding it impossible to get a deep breath. I took a long bath when we got home, and running the whirlpool jets on the tub seemed to really loosen things up. While I still feel twinges this morning I was able to sleep last night and feel much better today.

I've also been having braxton hicks contractions daily, usually two or more that I really notice. They really aren't painful, but are annoying when they occur while I'm walking around. Everything tightens up and it's hard to continue normal movement because it causes discomfort. I barely even notice them when I'm sitting or lying down.

I've finally had to admit to myself that I've gotten fat. Not just the forgivable pregnancy puffiness, but fat. I've gained more than 25 lbs, which is really about the amount I should have gained during the entire pregnancy. The scale is moving upward at an alarming rate. I can use pregnancy as an excuse, yes, but it still doesn't make me feel better. I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen but I did. I knew all the reasons why I should watch my diet and continue exercising, particularly the fact that it would make labor, delivery and recovery easier to be a healthy weight and in shape. However, I ignore that logical voice daily and give in to the fact that I'm constantly hungry and just don't feel like getting on the treadmill. Not only am I hungry, but the kinds of things I want to eat are just not good. Regardless I've not only let myself down, but the baby and Darrell to a degree. Each time I resolve to start again fresh, I take one step forward and then promptly two backward, and I have a hard time finding the motivation to do the right thing. I'm writing this to give myself a pep-talk, but I'm not sure if it's working or not.