I've been thinking this morning about how amazing it is to have a child in regards to marriage. I know that I can only imagine how things will be when he is born. But even the imagining of it seems to be affecting me, and the way I view Darrell. I don't know if I can put it into words, really.
Right now, we're married. We share our home, our cars, and our lives. He's my best friend. Whenever something happens, good or bad, he's the first one I want to tell about it, talk about it with and get advice from. Our vows of marriage bind us together, but we're about to share something tangible that will bind us for all time. No matter what happens, if a man and a woman have a child together they are then forever connected, whether they wish to be or not. This child won't be mine, he won't be Darrell's, he'll be ours. He'll have a little piece of each of us and those pieces will be irrevocably integrated into who he is.
Lately I find myself watching Darrell and thinking about every aspect of him; his actions, his personality nuances and his cute little quirks, wondering "I wonder if Ethan will do that, (make that face, look like that, act like that, say that)." I wonder if I'll look into my son's eyes and see my husband looking back at me. I'm sure I will, and that being the case, how can it not make me love each of them even more because they're part of one another?
The emotions that go into it are so great, I wonder sometimes why God didn't make it harder to make a baby. It's such an intimate, amazing thing, yet so many people make it such a casual event. How can they? Looking at it from this side, I'm amazed that it can be taken so lightly.
I'm very strange and mushy this morning. Unfortunately that means I'm also rather jumbled. Hopefully this makes sense.
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