When this is over...

...I'm going to be a mom.

It's kind of a weird realization. Being a mother is something I've always wanted. Even in college when I was eschewing all things domestic and womanly in favor a more feminist point of view, I knew that I intended to become a mother. I've never doubted that.

But the realization has been slow in coming, for some reason. I'm loving pregnancy. The growing belly, little flutters and hard kicks. I'm taking it in and trying to memorize each sensation. I love imagining his arrival and how we'll adjust to a new baby in the house. We're gathering the things for the nursery and will probably start painting this weekend so we can set things up. As real as all of that is, I still have these moments of shock where I realize that HOLY COW this is permanent! It's not like picking something up at Walmart, knowing we can take it back if things don't work out. Love it or hate it, for better or worse, we're going to have a baby. He'll be ours, but more importantly we'll be his. For the rest our lives, we'll be his parents -- we'll belong to him. In fact, this is just the beginning. It will never be over.

We'll meet his needs, soothe his fears, sympathize in his trials and rejoice over his triumphs. We'll teach him compassion, and patience and the strength to fight for what's right.
We'll protect him when he needs it, and learn when we need to give him independence.

I hope we'll do a good job. When Ethan leaves for college I want him to be a little sad. I want him to be one of the ones that I envied as a young adult, who weren't shy to confess how much they love and get along with their parents, despite rocky times. I want him to know that we always put him first, and that his best interests were always at the forefront of our minds. I want him to know without even having to think about it that even when we disagree, we're there for him no matter what.

Every parent must want these things, but it seems so many fall short. It can't just be luck of the draw. What is the magic recipe, the formula for good parenting? And not just good parenting, but stellar, outstanding, uncomparable parenting?