40+5

**This post probably contains more than you want to know. If you're confused or uncertain, please click over to this post before you proceed**

This week has been an interesting one. I knew (or strongly suspected) by Friday that Ethan wasn't going to be making his grand debut on Saturday, his officially estimated "Due Date." But that didn't mean I gave up hope. Each day since then I've woken up and my first thought was to feel my belly and see if I was having contractions. (I think it's logical to assume that I would know upon waking if I was having contractions that meant anything, but who is logical upon waking? So you see how it goes.) Ultimately there is rarely anything going on, and if it is it's not enough to make me take notice.

As I mentioned in a past blog, contractions have been picking up in intensity and frequency. Especially intensity though. I've actually had a few that I really needed to breathe through. Tuesday I felt more crampy, like my menstrual cycle off and on throughout the day and that feeling has picked up as well. Also on Tuesday I believe I began to lose my mucous plug. I had a decent amount of mucousy stuff in my panty liner once, and then I have seen some traces since then. (Yes, this was the TMI - see, that wasn't so bad...) Now that can certainly happen well in advance of actual labor, but to me it's a sign that things are happening.

Yesterday I was having contractions first thing in the morning and they continued semi-regularly for a few hours. They were at least 30 minutes apart, and slacked off mid afternoon though. I can't say I had my hopes high, but it was a bit of a letdown when they didn't continue and get closer. This morning is kind of the same deal, only the contractions didn't start as early and I'm refusing to bother timing them. One experiment is enough... two days in a row is just asking for a bout of depression. I should be able to tell when I need to time for reals. I do feel even more like I'm on my period than yesterday though... just generally crampy with a pretty consistent but not severe lower back ache.

Sadly I know that all of this could lead up to going into labor in the next few hours OR I could still be destined to wait days. Darrell has a test tonight so hours might not be so good. But I would welcome some intensity around say 9 pm or so.

I'm still doing okay from a mental standpoint. While I'm excited, and eager and analyzing everything - essentially beside myself with anticipation - I know that I can go on a while longer. I haven't reached desperation yet. Part of me would like to sink into desperation and just go have a good cry, but that is not the overwhelming thing I have going on. I'm tired, but I'm still good.

** Just a note on Vaginal exams since Martha brought it up in a comment. They really serve no purpose before labor begins. There are general tendencies, of course, as in a woman who is 3 centimeters dialated and 100% effaced is more likely to be heading toward labor than one who has not progressed so much. But it's not at all uncommon for the opposite to happen. A woman who appears to show no dialation or effacement in the morning could be birthing a baby that evening.

The one thing that I have found interesting in my recent reading (I think it was in Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn by Penny Simpkin) was that first time moms don't tend to dialate as much before labor begins as second timers and beyond do. First timers generally don't dialate beyond 1-2 centemeters until they are in active labor, unlike their more experienced counterparts who are more likely to make it to a 3 or 4 before labor begins.

Again, this is just a general tendency, and nothing to base decisions on, despite how seriously it often gets taken by physicians and mothers in general. I think that the real thing is that we want something, anything to hold on to. Much like due dates. Stupid things.